you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
