I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
