I think my vagina is haunted
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
