ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
