Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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