he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
