So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Never underestimate the power of titties
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
