i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
