An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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