i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
