There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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