Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
