Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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