Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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