I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
