I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize