Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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