Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
