so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
