I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
