im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
