So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
