I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i will never coherently bang her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize