Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Terrible idea I love it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
