i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
