We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize