I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
