Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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