If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
