She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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