But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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