i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So many bounce houses so little time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
