This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
