I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
