In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pooping to opera.
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