when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
