My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize