I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
