Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
