A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
