I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We won't sleep together?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize