Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I supernannyed him into submission
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
