Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
