just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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