what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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