I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
