I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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