Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
