This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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