were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
me + whiskey = a bad person
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
