if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
