forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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