I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
