He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize