So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
