wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
