I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
