You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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