Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
