I am in a vortex of obligation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
