My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
