I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
