I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
