I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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