Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
