She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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