while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
