You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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