Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
