The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize